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I am Becki, hear me moan

I'm bored.

No, really, I'm so bored. Bored with everything. I'm bored of staying in, I'm bored of going out, I'm bored of sleeping, I'm bored of being awake, I'm bored of my house, my family, my things, my computer, my eating and myself. I'm bored of everything that makes up my pointless existence.

Except Farleigh.

I want to be at Fourwinds right now. I want to see Sam rolling another fag, Shaun wandering aimlessly, Peter Stevens playing Startopia, Alex making an arse of himself, Hattie flapping until she takes off, Lee burping "Kidderminster!", Alun jumping around like a mad thing and Chris laying on the sofa in a deep sleep. And, of course, myself in the arms of the three boys who made Farleigh what it is today, while some staff member takes a picture with Tim's camera.

And you know what? Nothing will bring that picture back. That's all it is. A picture of what life used to be like. A picture may be precious, but when you've lost something, what use is a picture of what you've lost? None whatsoever.

I've made myself cry again. Why do I do this to me?

m.a. x

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