bikz (bikz) wrote,

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big update thing

Two weeks at Farleigh - two last weeks, two memorable weeks. In many ways.

I won't tell all, because otherwise I could go on forever. This is mostly lists.

My leaving presents.
* Pretty silver pentagram with mullet-coloured ribbon necklace (from Farleigh).
* Silky Monsoon trousers plus dolly mixtures and jelly babies (from Gill).
* Beautiful pair of high-heeled pink shoes (from Louise).
* Small bunch of purple flowers (from Richard Lear - day student who fancies me).
* "The Shaunus EP", which is Shaun's first demo (from Shaun, obviously).
* Cute red seahorse windchimes (from Lindsey).
* Two packets of biscuits and a voucher for free breakfast (from a local pub).
* Balloon with condom on the end (from Scott - LOL).

Best messages/quotes in my leaving book. (* means that was the whole message)
"Don't spend too much in Ann Summers" - Gill
"020********" (you get the idea) - Joe Bilbow
"Crunchy Autumn Leaves!" - Marcelle
"Chloe Pates (the genius)"* - Chloe
"mullet"* - Scott
"Just remember that outside of Frome you have to drink from a glass!" - LeaAnn
"Don't stop jabbering, you know you're good at it" - Anna
"Every time I'm making jelly, you will be in my mind" - Lin (the cook)
"Don't screw up!"* - Alun
"Best of luck, annoying Croswank!"* - Tom Cowley
"Never forget your alphabot - from your mum" - Colleen
"ten four six"* - Lee
"Like leaf flowing down river of life, Jab a lot, Jab Jab!"* - Jab
"I'm a mushroom cloud layin muther fucker muther fucker!"* - Charlie
"Good luck Mullet, be Sam"* - Sam
"Dear Rebecca, Becky, Becki, Bikki, Beck, Bek, Becker, Bikker, biker (?!)" - Tom Clayson
"Lots of love, kisses, hugs, burps and farts forever" - Emma Wickham

Bikki's Farleigh rules.
1. Respect and love all mullets, especially the sexy mullet (ie. mine).
2. Always check that there is bog roll before using the toilet.
3. If food has no-one's name on, eat it. If it's named, don't or you may die sooner.
4. You may not scrounge fags off me unless there is a good reason, such as "I've run out and I'm desperate", "you said you'd give me one", "I'll make you tea if you give me one" or "my name is Rikki Clark".
5. Never fall in love with anyone who lives in the same house as you. However, it is OK for North Parade people to love housebound Fourwinds people, or to go out with a Farleigh student after one or both of you have left.
6. Staff only exist to make tea and to be terrorised.
7. You're not fat - you're flabulous. :)
8. Annoying people, thin people, people in love and people at Delta Close suck.
9. It's perfectly acceptable to say "fuck off" when asked by staff to tidy your room.
10. Contrary to the beliefs of Shaun Underhay, women do have pubes.

Hugged out on the last day.
Pete : Wouldn't let go.
Alex : Said "will you kiss me?" every time he hugged me. He never got a kiss.
Chris : Wouldn't hug me back, shouted "RAPE! RAPE!".
Shaun : Got a boner (WTF!?). :\
Lindsey : Hugs for five seconds, pats me on the back, moves, repeats every minute.
Rikki : Couldn't get my arms all the way around.
Charlie : Didn't seem to mind much, but wasn't over-huggy - meh.
Alun : Group hug with Alex. Alex couldn't breathe. :P
Joe Bilbow : Smells. Bad. Really, really bad.
Scott : Said the night before, "I hate hugs, I never hug anyone", but I'm sure I got hugged yesterday.

Cleaning out my room.
Five hours of "wow, I thought I'd lost that for good", "I'm sure I didn't buy this", "I meant to give this present months ago", "ugh, mouldy", "I could have passed my college course if I handed that in", "I'm glad Rikki didn't get that love letter", "why am I such a shopaholic?" etc. - I continued until I had one suitcase, one weekend bag, one sports bag, one college bag and 15 carrier bags (at least) full to the brim with random crap.

I found clothes I've never worn (but they were cheap), books I've never read (but I meant to, honest), CDs I've never listened to (but I have to support my favourite bands), food I've never eaten (but I had to make the care staff think I was eating), cuddly toys I've never cuddled (but they're cute) and all sorts of other stuffs with all sorts of other excuses. I must have spent hundreds on this, and yet it's all so pointless. Thing is, when most people go into a shop, they can buy what they want and walk out having spent the minimum amount, or if they don't have what they want, they can walk out having spent nothing. With me, if I find what I want, I have to buy at least two or three other things, and if I don't find it, I can't leave if I haven't bought something. Anything.

Is this a problem!?

Finishing with a few good quotes ....
*Chris burps*
Wendy : What do you say when you burp?
Chris : Erm .... that was a really good burp?
Wendy : No you don't, you say ....
Rikki : Bollocksfucker!

Shaun : Let's not say goodbye. Remember, this is not goodbye ....
Scott : .... it's just good riddance.
Shaun : Wow, great quote! I'll have to use it in a song.
Becke : No you won't, I will!
Shaun : But I said it first!
Becke : But .... Scott, it's your quote, who gets to use it?
Scott : Becke.
Becke : Ha!

Rikki : Please can I have a fag?
Becke : Yes, topless jelly-man, you may have a fag.
Rikki : Topless jelly-man! I like that!

Becke : Optimism - the glass is half-full, not half-empty. Or the reverse if the glass contains deadly poison.

Charlie : You know what storms are?
Becke : What?
Charlie : The thunder is God telling Joe to fuck off, and the lightning is God trying to kill Joe.

Becke : I'll just get a facket of pags ....

*Chris, Scott and me all sitting around waiting for cuppas*
Jan : Chris, I'll make you a cup of tea because you're such a pretty person.
Becke : Am I a pretty person?
Jan : Ooh, yes.
Becke : Is Scott a pretty person?
Jan : Yes, definitely!
Becke : Are you a pretty person?
Jan : Erm .... no. But I'll make tea for you three pretty people.

Shaun : So do you have any big surprises for the party?
Becke : Well, nothing apart from that I'm going to strip naked and streak around North Parade.
Shaun : Wha?
Becke : Not really.
Richard : Damn!

Rikki : Becke, I'm going to send my girlfriend round to kill you.

I know none of you care and I doubt anyone's got this far - but fuck, I'll miss all this stuff. I'll miss it so much - my journal will never be the same again. :'(

Bloody hell, this entry took me ages to write. And no-one's gonna read it. Ah well, it's my journal and I'll waste time if I want to. Need fag right now. Buh-bye!

- b.k. x


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