bikz (bikz) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:

I eat too much to die, but not enough to stay alive ....

.... I'm sitting in the middle, waiting ....

Damn ass.

I need love.

Need Pooka.


Days since I last pissed
Cheeks sunken and despaired
So gorgeous sunk to six stone
Lose my only remaining home

I haven't updated for bloody ages, have I? Strictly speaking, I should write about all this time that I haven't said anything about. I can't be arsed, so I'll go through each day v. quickly.

Thursday 12th December.
Review. Didn't see Deryck, he was off ill. Told Dom to give him my love. A minisculity of dodginess detected. Went home. Missed Pooka.

Friday 13th December.
Pooka came (GUTTA!!). Ruled ass.

Saturday 14th December.
Pooka was still here. We fucked a lot. It ruled ass. Then he left. Which didn't.

See my third rib appear
A week later all my flesh disappears
Stretching taut, cling-film on bone
I'm getting better

Sunday 15th December.
Meh. Bugger all happened.

Monday 16th December.

Tuesday 17th December.
.... Cloyster, Caterpie, Sandshrew, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Golem, Pikachu. You have to have watched the first series of Pokémon to get that joke. Meh.

Karen says I've reached my target weight
Kate and Emma and Kristin know it's fake
Problem is diet's not a big enough word
I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

Wednesday 18th December.
Went out Christmas shopping. Made a twat of myself. At least I did some shopping, even though I did break one of the presents before I got home.

Thursday 19th December.
Pooka came again (GUTTA!!). Ruled ass.

Friday 20th December.
Pooka came (what, no gutter!?). Ruled ass.

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity

Saturday 21st December.
Pagan Yule, although I didn't celebrate. My humble abode contained 17 people (15 family member, one family member-to-be and a Catherine). Pooka was still here. Ruled ass apart from my nervous breakdown. And when Pooka left, that sucked too. And when I had morning sickness (getcha mind outta da cake). Ugh.

Sunday 22nd December.
Was very, very ill. Morning sickness again. And übercold. Ugh.

Monday 23rd December.
After even more morning sickness (should I be getting scared now!?), went shopping with Morti and Andrew. Finished Christmas shopping, replaced broken gift. Kim was pissed. As in blind drunk out of her head.

Stomach collapsed at five
Lift up my skirt my sex is gone
Naked and lovely and 5st. 2
May I bud and never flower

Tuesday 24th December.
Today. Not much has happened except that I've talked to Pooka a lot, felt ill and been updating this bugger. Meh.

My vision's getting blurred
But I can see my ribs and I feel fine
My hands are trembling stalks
And I can feel my breasts are sinking

Let's be funny for a minute, shall we? Or not so funny, I don't know.

True story - "I think I saw Adam Battersby's car today. The numberplate read "LOL 200X".


Not funny.

Mother tries to choke me with roast beef
And sits savouring her sole Ryvita
That's the way you're built my father said
But I can change, my cocoon shedding

OK, bugger this. I'll talk about how I feel, shall I?

My head is so full of cold that it is heavy enough to drag me to the floor as I walk. I can't even sneeze or blow my nose, which makes it one helluva lot worse. I have an evil craving for the fudge I have almost finished, which will probably make me sick, not to mention fat, but I keep eating. I constantly feel like I need the bog/need to puke, but when I get to the door, I suddenly feel better. And I should be in bed, but I (a) can't be arsed and (b) couldn't sleep anyway.

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity

Miss Pooka bad. :(

Kate and Kristin and Kit Kat
All things I like looking at
Too weak to fuss, too weak to die
Choice is skeletal in everybody's life

Right, this is a bit of a sick joke and I never usually say stuff like this, but ....

Alex walks into a bar. He dies.

Yes, that's the whole joke.

I choose my choice, I starve to frenzy
Hunger soon passes and sickness soon tires
Legs bend, stockinged I am Twiggy
And I don't mind the horror that surrounds me


Self-worth scatters, self-esteem's a bore
I long since moved to a higher plateau
This discipline's so rare so please applaud
Just look at the fat scum who pamper me so

Run out of stuff to say. I love Pooka. Can I at least finish the song?

Yeh 4st. 7, an epilogue of youth
Such beautiful dignity in self-abuse
I've finally come to understand life
Through staring blankly at my navel

- b.k. x


  • The Blackout

    So, erm, yeh. I haven't been on here in aaages, a fair amount of the interests and stuff are out of date (it was where my notorious blogging…

  • Repeat first-time offender.

    Dear Bikki, I want to know who you are. Love, Bikki xoxo Re : Repeat first-time offender. Dear Bikki, Thankyou for your interest, creeper, but I…

  • Writer's Block: Really, Truly

    This WB makes me want to listen to The Darkness and do mad dances. :P No really. I believe that true love can be found. As for love at first…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.