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whenever i fall at your feet ....

Believe it or not, I'm suddenly in such a good mood.

I'm listening to this song, and it just helps me remember so many good things. Most of all I think of those nightly talks with Rikki, him letting everything out for me, cuz that's what the song relates to for me most of all. But my thoughts also involve other good things. Gill, Shaun and me sitting in the car singing it in the car after the last night, when we'd just owned karaoke. Scott's hug goodbye. In fact, I think of Scott talking to me outside as well. Our talks were nothing like Rikki's (most of it was taking the piss out of people and talking about how much he wants to see me next year), but I liked being out for a fag, just there in the dark, talking to any person available, alone. Even if it was Spike or Niall or Shaun or Alex, anyone is good for me, but Rikki was the most important and memorable to me, Scott second. I'm also thinking of Chris and how he's made me feel much better about myself over the past two years. Sure, there were times when he called me fat, but most of the time he has been the best friend I could ever have hoped for. Sam's another good one, and thoughts of him cheer me up too. God, I miss Farleigh - but I don't miss it so badly that it's hurting me. I'm ready to move on.

My mind is clear of all plaguing thoughts of Robin and Tim, and I don't feel fat (though I do feel kinda sick cuz I just ate some Rik .... erm, Ribblesdale cheese with a use by date of two days ago - ugh, must drink tea and smoke fag ASAP). I'm feeling so comfortable, just me, my bed and Neil Finn's dulcet tones. And my horrible throat pains (bloody cheese), but those don't matter. I am in a higher state of mind.

- b.k. x

PS. I'm not trying to be up my own arse, and I hope I don't sound that way!

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