27th November 2002 : [REMOVED 12/7/2004 - b.k. x]
27th November 2003 : started going out with Robin.
Both times I was still engaged to Pooka.
Why was I such a fucking BITCH? I owe so much to Pooka, and there's nothing I can do to repay him for everything good he's done for me and everything bad I've done for him. This is probably why I don't have anyone right now. Boyfriends are like credit cards. You apply for one you really want, and even though you don't tell them, they know your entire credit history, whether it's the compulsive shopping that put you into thousands of pounds of debt or the compulsive cheating and mistreating that put you into thousands of piles of shit. And whether it's the card or the boyfriend, you'll get refused.
Since 27th November 2002, I've had "LOW CREDIT RATING" written across my forehead. One year later, it became "CREDIT RATING IN THE PITS OF HELL". And no matter how long I grow my mullet, it'll always be there.
"I'm scared of cracking up again, I just want it to be like it was before ...."
If only there was an Ocean Finance for love.
- b.k. x