bikz (bikz) wrote,
bikz
bikz
  • Mood: in tears ....

:(

Got reply from Hana. It was not good. I've certainly lost her as a friend. I just hope that Chris will stay friends with me, because I do like Chris a lot and he is one of the coolest people I know. Me making up all those lies about him was only a way to hide from Pooka the real truth about what happened. I didn't mean to hurt Chris or anyone. The right thing would have been to not tell anyone, to tell Chris and Shaun not to tell anyone and leave it at that. But I was just unable to do that because I'm such a stupid, horrible person who thinks nothing of scarring people for life and wrecking their relationships.

I thought this was all dead and buried. Half (well, nearly all) the Farleigh people, students and staff, know nothing of it. Now everyone will know, and there will be a massive chain reaction that will turn Charlie and Scott and Rikki against me, and as they have so much influence over Farleigh, everyone will follow their lead and turn against me and I'll have no friends whatsoever. It's what should happen to me. There is nothing in this world I deserve. I don't even deserve to live. I hate myself.

Time for a fag - I hope I burn myself or get lung cancer or something.

- b.k. x

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