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Saw "The Secret Agent" last night, about the British National Party's racism an' shit (literally, as one of them put dog shit through the letterbox of an Asian café). It was pretty horrifying, but quite interesting too. Shame I missed Newsnight and the interview with Nick Griffin (BNP leader) later on - it would have been funny watching him trying to get himself and his party out of that mess.

Apart from that, it was my mum's birthday yesterday, so we went out for a meal. Went to the Harvester. I felt weird going there again. Last time I went was for my nan's birthday two years ago, and I purged in the bogs. Of course, I didn't yesterday, but you know what I mean - the place reminds me of times when I had a real problem and I couldn't bring myself to admit it. I was also two stone (28lbs) lighter then, which makes me feel so fat now. I was going on about being fat then, but what about now when I'm heavier? If I was big then, I must be massive.

Thing is, was I big then? The scales said no but the mirror said yes .... what do I believe? Ah well, too late to worry about that, I can't look in the mirror now and see me then, because Becke who weighs as little as she did then no longer exists. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Pth, beyond me.

- b.k. x

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