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I'm not sure whether I'm a member of Living Proof (I think that's what it's called) or not any more. Shaun's constantly suggesting that I leave, with excuses like "we might fall out", "you live too far away" and "you're not as serious about it as we are". He even slagged my voice off (not entirely uncalled-for, being as he does sing one helluva lot better than I do). But I know the real reason - he wants to be the lead singer, the famous one, the one everyone recognises, and he knows that if we're equal frontpeople, I'll be more popular. Not because I'm more talented, but because I'm the only female member of the band, I dress better, I'm a lot more outspoken, I talk more shit and .... well, cleavage. ;) I'm not exactly a Playboy pin-up, but I got more chance of becoming one than he has, I'll tell ye that.

His suggestion was that either I hang around behind the scenes (he wants me to be a groupie!?) or quit altogether and just let them use my songs. Ha! No chance. If he doesn't want me in the band, he can write his own songs. So it's his choice - let me stay and use my songs, or kick me out and write everything himself. If they want me out, I'll give them rights to "Buskin'" (as that song is partly Sam's) as long as I get credit for it, but that's all they're getting off me.

I'm not even sure if I want to be a member anyway, being as at the moment, it's all Shaun's idea and the rest of us have to sit back and listen to him. I have a feeling that Sam, Steve and Tim feel the same way as me - we want this to be fun and take it slowly, actually learn the instruments and learn to play the songs before we start talking about our second album. I might give Sam or Steve a call soon actually, see what they think about it.

Shaun also needs to learn that being the lead singer doesn't mean he'll be the most popular member of the band. Even without me, Sam'll be the fanciable one, Tim'll be the silly one and Steve'll be the one with the big scar that everyone asks to see (he was stabbed by his brother and he's got the most amazing scar I have ever seen). He needs to learn that in a band, everyone is equal. Singing doesn't mean that you are the most important or should get the biggest say. This is what I've been saying, but he still thinks that he ownz the band.

Should I still be a member? I don't know. I'll see what happens.

- b.k. x

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