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Dear God, my brother says you can do anything, right? He might be wrong though, cuz he thinks you're a man when it's so obvious you're a woman, because if you were a man there'd be no such things as shopping, cups of tea or anything else that is great. You must be a lot like me as well, because you're too lazy to stop all the suffering in the world. I don't mean that as a criticism, God, I think you're brill, really. But then, being as you're brill, does that mean you're a self-harmer? Of course you are, I read the story about how you plucked your eye out. That owned. Anyway, down to business. If you can do anything, can you do a few things for me? First of all, I need to be thin. That's the most important of all. I'm eight stone something at the moment, but eight isn't a nice number, so could you change that to seven, please, or even six? Yeh, six, that'd be good. PLEASE make this happen. With all my love and devotion - Bikki. x

Dear God, could you make my singing voice a little better? I'm singing along to The Darkness right now and I'm not sure whether I sound really good or really bad. Maybe it's because I've got it on loud to cover up the crap that Jenn's listening to. She and Cat and Danii are singing along too, and none of them can sing, not like I can. OK, I think I'm quite good if I do say so myself. Maybe it's because I smoke and I used to be bulimic, and Justin smokes more than me and is currently bulimic. Are those his secrets, God? I thought they fucked up your throat and made your voice worse, but I must be wrong. Should I smoke more? 30 a day's quite a lot, but obviously not enough, because I'm only "quite good". And what about bulimia? It's been a long time since I last purged. Maybe I should start again. What do you think? Please let me know - Bikki. x

Dear God, why don't I have a boyfriend? I still love Pooka, but he doesn't love me, which means he never loved me in the first place. Love is for life, isn't it, God? So he never loved me. And I want him to love me. But then, if love is for life, if he never loved me before, he can't love me now, can he? Shit, this makes no sense. If Pooka won't work, what about Ben? We haven't met yet, so he doesn't know if he loves me or not. God, please get me tickets to see The Darkness at Wembley on the 12th December. Ben will be there and I'll wear my pink catsuit and he'll see me and fall in love. But what I'm too fat for my pink catsuit? Please make me lose weight so that I'll look good in my pink catsuit. I need your help - Bikki. x

Dear God, please get Jenn and Stu back together so that Dan can come over again - Bikki. x

Dear God, thankyou for making me win the Sum 41 competition. But I obviously wasn't specific enough in my prayers - I said "competition" when I meant "Darkness competition". I prayed at least 10 times a day, but I said the wrong thing every time. Just the kind of stupid thing I'd do. Remind me next time to pray for EXACTLY what I want, then I might get it. Thanks - Bikki. x

Dear God, please make Rikki my best friend. Not my BOYfriend (being specific, remember?), my best friend. We were really close at Farleigh. We got on really well and talked about everything. He said I was really helpful. He'd make a great best friend. And if I go to Rookery House, we'll be close because he goes to Farleigh in Frome, and he lives in Portishead as well. I could get to his house well quick. I met his mum and she looks like she might make nice cakes, but obviously I won't have any because they'll make me fat. God, please get me a place at Rookery House (I thought I'd got a place, but then that bloody social worker of mine went and cocked up the funding). Then I can go to Frome and Portishead and see Rikki, and I can go to Frome and confront Robin as well. Please make Robin get what's coming to him, God. I still think he was the reason that Chris fell out with me. I asked a lot here, but please make it all happen - Bikki. x

Dear God, are there any cats in my room right now? If there are, please get them out - Bikki. x

Dear God, I'm not so sure about the bulimia thing any more. It'd be good because it'd make my voice better and I can taste nice things like cups of tea twice, but what if it works against me and my voice goes all wrong? And what if someone catches me and I get in trouble, or get in counselling? I can't be arsed to get counselling. To tell the truth, I can't be arsed to throw up in the first place. I also think I've fallen in love with my little roll of fat. Please give me a sign to tell me what is right - Bikki. x

Dear God, why did Shaun kick me out of the band? I thought at first that it was because he was jealous of me, but to be honest, what is there to be jealous of? He sings better than I do, much better. I think it's because I'd attract attention more than he would. The band would be more famous - but it'd be famous not for his silly pop song (oops, did I just say that out loud?) like he wants it to be, but for an outspoken frontwoman who does what she wants. And yes, I'd front the band whether he likes it or not, it's just the way it would work. I dress better than he does, not to mention write better. He's also quite boring. His idea of a bonus track is him talking and making bad puns. Mine and Sam's idea (Buskin') is SO much better. God, please get me back in the band. Shaun should know it's for his own good - Bikki. x

Dear God, I almost got rid of this whole entry. I'm so stupid - Bikki. x

Dear God, I MUST go to university in New Zealand. As soon as possible. It'll fuck up my chances of being in the band (maybe that's why Shaun got rid of me?), but I'll be so much happier there, I know I will. I might even get a kiwi boyfriend. God, if I can't have Pooka or Ben or Dan or any member of The Darkness, could I please have a kiwi boyfriend? Make him really nice, perfect for me (in other words, exactly like Pooka, but from New Zealand). But then, if I could be with Pooka, I wouldn't mind not going to NZ. Pooka's my first priority, bogging off to the southern hemisphere is my second. One or the other, please - Bikki. x

Dear God, I can't be arsed to write any more. Just .... read my mind, OK? Thanks for everything - Bikki. x

- b.k. x

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
pookatimes
Oct. 7th, 2004 05:28 am (UTC)
Seems more like a homage to The Color Purple to me than anything else.
bikz
Oct. 7th, 2004 10:17 am (UTC)
purple?
Never read "The Color Purple" - it's more paying homage to "Good Girls Do Swallow" by Rachel Oakes-Ash than anything else. Superbrill book.

b.k. x
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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