August 6th, 2003

The Party Scene

attack of the killer bad luck

You know what? My LJ entry just deleted itself, just to put the glacé cherries in the fruit cake. But that's not what I'm writing about.

After I turned off my computer the first time round, I found myself with back and stomach pains more terrible than Terry's balls (ugh). I wanted to sleep, but I needed a hot drink to soothe the pain first. I don't like coffee, tea's full of caffeine and we have no Ribena to warm up (shame, I love that drink), so I went for hot chocolate.

I went downstairs and turned the kitchen light on, trying to be as quiet as I possibly could (despite our kettle being bloody loud). I made up my drink, and everything seemed well. But then I tried to get back upstairs, and things got worse.

Note that I turned the kitchen light on, and not the living room light, meaning that as soon as I turned the light off in the kitchen, I went completely blind. Now I thought I'd be OK, being as I've lived in this house for nearly 18 years and am likely to know my way around my own lounge. I got to the door, but I mistakenly thought that the door was open. It wasn't. I was sure that I'd spilt something, but I couldn't see how bad.

I felt my way over to the table, put my drink down and then walked into the kitchen. I don't know why, but instead of just switching the light on once, I frantically clicked away at the kitchen lightswitch, having forgotten that when the kitchen light is switched on and off too quickly it not only blows the light in there but in the whole of the downstairs of my house. I had no light to see where I'd spilt my drink.

I went out into the hallway to hope that the light worked there, but it didn't. I then tried to turn the front room light on and by a complete stroke of luck, it worked. I could see the area affected from there, so I could clean up. There was nothing really noticeable on the floor, but there was a large brown mark all down the clean white door. If I didn't clean it up, I would be in deep shit.

I then went back into the kitchen to get some paper towel, but I didn't know where it's kept and I wasn't going to try and find it in total darkness (the kitchen's too far away from the front room for me to see), so I got a tea-towel instead. I brought it to the door to clean off the chocolate, and I think (I hope) I got it all done. I put the towel back and went to turn the light off in the front room. I thought I may as well turn the computer (the family one which is networked to mine to give me internet access) off while I was there.

I started to walk into the front room, and thought, "Oh, shit". Jenny and her mate were in there, fast asleep. That or pretending to be - how could they be asleep with a bright light turned on? Needless to say, I didn't turn off the computer, just switched off the light and quietly legged it upstairs. I hope they didn't notice.

Anyway I went to my room (to clarify, the light is working here) and had my lovely drink. :) I still can't sleep, so I went to the bog (loud flush, probably woke the whole house up, but I can't stand it when people don't flush) and then went to my room and started writing this, which, as I said before, deleted itself, buggery. And just a couple of minutes ago, my dad got up to tell me off for being on my computer at this time. I obviously woke him up.

Oh yeh, and a cup of hot chocolate is 124 calories. Damn, if I knew that I would have washed out a cup from my room and had a drink of water from the bathroom tap, no need to go to the lounge and fuck things up. Dim dim dim Becke.

I'm dyspraxic, don't you know?

m.a. x
  • Current Mood
    awake awake
The Party Scene

Insane Becke from Planet Anal Penis

I like that name. I'm gonna make it my MSN name. I want to live on Planet Anal Penis, if it exists somewhere out there. I dunno if it's any good, but at least it's not Planet Enfield.

In fact, ANY planet far away from here would be good. Yes, even Enfield. In fact, that would be good because my boyfriend lives there, even though it's a mad place. I feel like I could go there right now, and if I couldn't see Pooka, I'd look for Mr. Groinlion. I'm missing my mates like hell. Yes, even Alex, and The Very Large Hat. I miss Hattie most of all, actually - I feel like she's the only person in the world fatter than me. Her and Tom Franco. I barely know him, but I miss him too.

In fact, scrap that - I'm probably fatter than both of them. I don't care if Hattie's about 200lbs and Tom's about 450 - I'm 114 and gigantic.

To curb my depression, I'm listening to the wonderful Sleeper (Alice In Vain is my current favourite song - I wish I had all the Sleeper albums, or at least the full version of Alice) and reading "Girls Under Pressure". It may be Jacqueline Wilson, written for 13-year-olds, stolen from Jenn's cupboard and bloody triggering, but it's a great book. I'll probably just sit here and read the whole thing.

Oh yeh, and I'm getting e-mails from a bunch of eating-disordered people who want to talk to someone - I don't mind that, they seem like perfectly nice people, but I only have one true ED online friend and his name is (or, rather, was) James Deryck Carpenter. I've made a lot of friends off TF and stuff, but lil' Deryck was my only ED online friend who understood me, even though he was a bloke. I have Pooka who understands me and Kate who does a bit - they are great mates (and Pooka's a wonderful lover), but neither one is Deryck.

I'm crying now. :'( I feel like the only thing that will make me happy is if I don't eat all day. I wish I had Pooka here. If he's not here to make me feel better, all I have is my ED.

m.a. x
  • Current Music
    Sleeper - Traffic Accident (a happy song, hehe)
The Party Scene

Girls Under Pressure

Just finished the book. It made me cry - it always does, but this time more than ever. I was concocting this little story about me being Ellie, Jenny as the beautiful Nadine and Kim as slaggy Magda, Anna and Dad being my parents, Ellie's mum being Biscuit, Morty as Eggs and Kirsty as Natasha (ha ha), Thomas as Dan and Natalie as Gail and worst of all, Deryck as Zoë laying there dying ....

Reading always makes me feel better, but this time I feel sad. Oh well, at least in the next book Ellie has Russell (Pooka), but then in the fourth he gets off with Magda .... oh dear.

m.a. x
  • Current Music
    Sleeper - Inbetweener
The Party Scene

Pooka's gone for some hot dog-walkin' action ;)

Hehe, the thought of him just makes me happy. As does listening to Smash Mouth - even though Sleeper are a great band, they have kinda triggering lyrics, and Louise Wener is beautiful and thin, which doesn't help. I'm sick of thin people now.

But I feel happy, cuz I've got Pooka tomorrow. I feel better about him now - I never thought that I could talk to him about weight loss and stuff, but he shares my pain. It was like we were in healthy competition earlier today, like a pair of best mates at WeightWatchers. It somehow felt good. I haven't talked to anyone in the same way since Deryck.

This song is so a Pooka and me song. :)

m.a. x
  • Current Music
    Smash Mouth - Can't Get Enough Of You Baby
A singing Kao


I'm dancing and singing like a right arse now. I call this Smash Mouth therapy. Or "thinking of your boyfriend" therapy. :)

m.a. x
  • Current Music
    Smash Mouth - I'm A Believer