January 16th, 2004

The Party Scene

you will not believe this

"Maybe I'm just deranged, or on the rebound"
- Silverchair "Black Tangled Heart"

That is the most perfect explanation ever of why I'm now going out with Ben Harwood.

"See the black tangled heart fall ...."

- k.s. x

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The Party Scene

emotional fuckwittage

Decided that it's WAY too reboundy and deranged (probably the most deranged thing I've ever done) to be going out with Ben. I'll think about things this weekend and probably, though it depends what I think about, break it off with him when I get back to Farleigh. I feel like a kiddy fiddler - Robin was apparently too young for me, let alone Ben who has a mental age of about 2.

I also hate the way he's been mean to Robin, in an "I'm going out with Becke you're not mwahahalol" sort of way. He doesn't care, but I still don't think it's nice, as Robin is most likely feeling very mixed up at the moment and the last thing I want to do is to hurt him, or see anyone else hurt him, in any way. You know why? Because I think I still love Robin. In fact, fuck think, I know I do. If I didn't love him, why am I so upset? Why am I still wearing his necklace and carrying his picture in my purse? Why did I cut myself when I knew he wasn't interested in me? Why am I such an emotional fuckwit?

I really, really hate my life at the moment.

- k.s. x

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