August 31st, 2004

Cute cute Biscuit

oh for fuck sake

I can't take this any more.

No-one understands this.

I'll never be able to get married, or live with someone as more than friends.

I won't even be able to have a boyfriend or have sex without feeling guilty.

Why did I wreck my life this way?

What's the point in living if I've got no chance of really living?

And why won't anyone listen to me without going on about themselves?

I'm so fucking stupid that I'm not even worth listening to.

Why did life have to pick me to go through all this?

Morty was right - I deserve to be slapped with a brick.

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
KoRn give head

wow

It's been pretty much two years since I started a-bloggin'. September 2002 - August 2004.

So much has happened in those two years, the most eventful two years of my life.

My first serious boyfriend. My first few real friends. Wow.

I'd write something about it if uJournal hadn't buggered up.

I hope it hasn't deleted my old account. If it has, I'll have no record of my pre-LJ life.

It's taken me two years to grow up properly.

Sometimes I wish I could grow down again and love my fucked-up life.

- b.k. x

PS. The KoRn thing was my first ever userpic - aww!
  • Current Mood
    nostalgic nostalgic
The Party Scene

frome wars!

Keeping busy is the best thing for depression - I'm keeping busy writing FROME WARS!

This seriously is the most ownage thing I've ever written. Robin dies, mwa ha ha!

I've just been talking to Mullet. He's got to share with Jab next year. Poor Mull.

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    busy busy
A singing Kao

way!

I'm in a band now. We are ....

Becke "Bikki" Hayes - vocals
Shaun Underhay - vocals
Sam Pedley - guitar
Steve Martin - drums
Will Angeloro - session guitar / producer

This is so cool. Shaun and I are gonna be equal lead singers, but I have a feeling I'd get more attention being as I'm female and that's the way it works. Plus I have more attitude than Shaun does. :P The names we were thinking of were "Living Proof", "Llama Garden" and "Lava". I didn't think of any of them, but they sound OK.

Will we be successful? Will we be any good? Will we completely fuck up? Fuck knows, but the best we can do is try. And if we're terrible, at least we'll have had a good time trying.

- b.k. x

PS. Any bassists free? :P
  • Current Mood
    optimistic optimistic
The Party Scene

first jam sessions!

Must sort out soon when we're going to Enfield, because ....

1. We need to have our first jam session as, erm, whatever we're called.

2. Steve's doing some film-making thing and he wants me involved.

3. We must bother Edward Rainbow (we know someone called Robert who knows where he lives).

4. DRINK! (well, it's what usually happens when we're all together)

And now, to phone Sam and Steve.

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    blah blah
The Party Scene

yes!

Our plan is working.

Sam, Alex and I might possibly be at the White Noise festival in Herts on Fri/Sat.

It all depends on whether Alex will let us stay over.

Mwa ha ha.

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful
Cute cute Biscuit

someday (bestest song i ever wrote)

I see white smoke
On black sky
The stars have gone to sleep tonight
But the moon is full and high

In this darkness
I'm alone
I wonder if there's anyone
Who knows I'm on my own

And your face comes into my mind
Do you know what a pathetic girl
You have left behind

Maybe someday you will walk my way
And I'll lift my head and smile at you
But you'll walk away no matter what I do
Someday you'll think of what I say
And you'll wonder if the way I feel
For you could be a love that's real
But my doubts are bigger than my dreams
And someday is far away it seems

They say this is
Just a phase
So why am I stuck in my room
I haven't dressed for days

I hear laughing
I'm your joke
You're getting everything you want
But all I have's my smoke

And your face though pretty it may be
You don't know just what disturbances
It has brought to me

Maybe someday you will walk my way
And I'll lift my head and smile at you
But you'll walk away no matter what I do
Someday you'll think of what I say
And you'll wonder if the way I feel
For you could be a love that's real
But my doubts are bigger than my dreams
And someday is far away it seems


Thanks for nothing, love - but at the same time, thanks for everything.

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
KoRn give head

katerrrrrrrrrrlyn!

smashmouthnaked just phoned me. Completely randomly.

Kate : "He doesn't love you? Why not? Is he gay?"
Bik : "I don't think so."
Kate : "He's gay! He is so gay! I bet he likes Sum 41. Bet he fancies Deryck."
Bik : "No, he doesn't."
Kate : "Does he look infected? If he doesn't, I'll make sure he does!"
Bik : "Why are you talking about Sum 41?"
Kate : "Because they're gay. Deryck looks infected. Pooka will soon!"
Bik : "How are you gonna infect him?"
Kate : "The same way I infected Deryck. GENITAL WARTS!"

Erm .... yes. :\

Oh yeh, Dan's in Jenn's room, topless, asking Stu to cum on his face. Seriously. :P

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    weird weird
The Party Scene

the two faces of me

Just talking to Pooka about this. I am completely two-faced.

Collapse )

I'm not sure who I like better, really. Bikki's nicer, but Becke's happier.

Bleh. I must cut myself in half.

- b.k. x

  • Current Mood
    confused two-faced