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cor.

And now they're making epilepsy jokes.

*sigh* What has my mere existence started?

- b.k. x

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Nov. 14th, 2004 10:50 pm (UTC)
Becke, while I don't agree with the epilepsy jokes there are some things the others said which I have to agree with. You do need some backbone, but not necesscarily for what you think. You ARE your own worst enemy, and you do need to tell yourself to f*** off on occassion.

It is very easy and comfortable to allow self-doubt and self-hatred take over - and considering the amount of things you do have to put up with, it is understandable. Understandable but not excusable.

Becke, I'm not sure if you realise how lucky you are. Yes, you have autism. But you are still very high functioning. You are more intelligent, cogniscent and articulate than many others and are well able to express yourself. I'm sure this is through hard work - but how many others are locked in their own worlds and only barely able to interact? And you are dealing with this obstacle quite successfully it seems. Give yourself some credit for that.

The fact that you can stand back and find some humour in your conditions such as epilepsy, is to be commended. I don't think you're trivialising it - I remember visiting a friend in hospital before he went in for brain surgery for his epilepsy before our (joint) 21st birthday, and although we knew there was a good chance he wouldn't survive he was still able to joke...."well we can't have the strobes, otherwise if I make it there, i'll only be back in here" (stobe lights was one of his particular triggers) The point is, eplilepsy is only one tiny aspect of his life, and he refuses to let it dominate it. Be mindful of yours, but try not to let it prey on your mind.

You've largely beaten your eating disorders. Are you not to be admired for that?

Skin conditions are evil - from someone in the know - but meh. After a while you have to slap on the cream and get on with it. I'm not being that bitchy here - time was my excema/dermatits on my hands was so bad I couldn't bend my fingers... so I'm grateful to be able to type this!

look at all these things you are overcoming - along with the help of family who loves you, and friends who care about you - despite your efforts to push them away. You still have them and that is something to be very very grateful for. And in that regard you really and truely don;t recognise how lucky you are - some of my friends lost theirs when they were young, my dad has a serious chronic condition, and one of my friend's dad tried to kill her. From what i read your family is supportive of you - and to quote Ian Dury - "another reason to be cheerful". And as for your friends. Some people bitch at each other more than others - so what - the fact that you still care about each other is what matters.

I mean, look at all the positives that you have to balance the negatives. By concentrating solely on the negative you are alienating yourself from others. Others who could quite like you - only the self pity frustrates them, and the concentration on negative emotions like anger, self-loathing, jealousy and obsession is uncomfortable and reflects badly on you. if you do this s because you are scared to let people close in case they hurt you... yes they might. You play the game and you take the chance - you may not win what you want but you'll win what you need. But then again they might not. If it's because you don;t feel you deserve their friendship.... cop to fuck on. Everyone deserves that - and you more than some need it.

Please take on board what I say.

Máiréad
bikz
Nov. 15th, 2004 03:34 am (UTC)
thanks.
Máiréad -

I am glad that you made this comment (especially typing so much with bad fingers!), and I will try to take on board all I can. You've given me some very good advice there. :) I'm also happy that we seem to have made up after my dim comments against Will.

See you round the board for a cuppa! :D

b.k. x
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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