bikz (bikz) wrote,

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big problems.

So, erm, yeh, there are things going wrong at the moment. Shouldn't be that bad, but they are for me. :( First of all, tomorrow it'll exactly a year since Pooka and I broke up (I'm finding it fairly hard to accept that I broke up with him - I never used to, but I do now). I wish there was something bad about him that I could go on about, but I can't think of anything. He's too perfect. Why isn't he just human? :'(

On top of that, TDR's gone down. Not only does this mean that I'm very, very bored, it means that I've got nowhere to moan about my problems except here. Jess thinks that someone's hacked into it and banned all of us. Ben (at least I managed to talk to him for once) thinks that the database is fucked. Katie's upset and Anya's pissed off. As for Rob Shaw (webmaster) - where is he when you need him?

Remember, Bikki. Rookery House interview coming up - but what if I fuck that up? Darkness gig coming up - but I'm just plain afraid of that. Ben won't like me. Ben won't notice me. Ben'll ignore me. Fear consumes me. I need to stop being so damn NEGATIVE, for fuck's sake .... but how do I do that? Everything's so hard.

Ugh. I feel sick. I feel itchy. I feel tired. All I'm able to do now is sleep.

But what if I can't even do that?

- b.k. x


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