To my pale white skin with
Strawberry gashes all over, all over -
Watch me falter,
I'm living like a disaster,
I said, "Kill me faster
With strawberry gashes all over, all over ....
- Jack Off Jill "Strawberry Gashes" (modified, partly cuz I can't remember the actual words)
I'm not going to moan on and on about how I don't have a boyfriend, cuz I've done that before. Many times before. But just so you know, I don't, and I don't fancy anyone, and no-one fancies me, so I s'pose it all works out in a sort-of-not-sort-of-way.
This feels weird, not fancying anyone. I've spent about five years with someone constantly on my mind, not the same someone obviously, but there was always SOMEONE. And now it's all gone. Maybe I'm growing up for once. A lot more things seem to have changed - instead of being the 19-year-old who acts like she's 14 and life's one big party, I'm starting to act my age and take responsibility.
However, this has its downside. For example, I don't fit in with the Darklings any more - how can I go on about having Dan's babies when I don't want to? How can I make jokes about fancying Ben when I'm over him? I don't feel right on the forum any more.
Cor, I'm so confused.
- b.k. x