bikz (bikz) wrote,
bikz
bikz

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too much time ....

I updated about five times yesterday (well, two of them were past midnight and so were technically today, but still), all of them completely pointless and only there cuz I got bored of doing other things (like, erm .... did I do much yesterday?).

Anyway, big day today : 1. the appointment and 2. my glorious return to college. I am still worried about. The first more than the second, of course, but I'm worried about what things might be like at college (I posted about that). Heck, something completely different may have happened. God only knows (well, God and the people at college).

"Not today, today, today, today, today.
And I don't know how I feel,
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.
And I don't know what to say,
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow is a different day."

She may have stolen the title from James, but I can see what she means - maybe tomorrow everything'll be back to normal. No bulimirexia related appointments, no worries about how people are. Just getting back to work, and Jenny, and Asda, and Knightmare, and Jan and Tim and Emma will be there to talk to me.

m.a. x

PS. I'm commenting on feedmydisorder about showering. I whooped their arses. :P

PPS. I'm looking at my default picture for my LJ - that was two summers ago, when I was 15. Despite the season and living in sunny Birmingham, UK (no really, it was - well, maybe for a day or two), I have such lovely white skin, and my arms are so thin! That's my favourite picture of me. I look so beautiful compared to my fat days now. And there were no thoughts of anorexia, bulimia or pica (even though I've always had pica, I didn't know what it was back then) in my head. I want to be 15 again .... waaaah ....

PPPS. Speaking of pics, here are some pictures from France 2002.

PPPPS. I've made a new folder on fudgie1_47 called "thinnestpicsofbikz", which shows the pictures of me from "Bikki" and "sum2002" where I look thinnest. I'll also be uploading a few new dollz soon, just to let you know. And I'm not gonna edit this post again, so if you care, you'll have to find them yourselves.

PPPPPS. I've edited this entry soooooooo many times ....
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