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My God, the end-of-year party last night was the best party I have been to, like, ever (I know that's not really saying much given my previous experience of parties, but there will not be a party so great that I go to in a long, long time, if there ever is one). It was a joint party for the end of year, the third-year leavers and Alun, Chris and Peter Stevens' birthdays which are in the holidays. This meant that it had to be something big - and it was bigger than Pardoe's penis (which, according to sources, is really saying something). So here we go - the inevitable blow-by-blow (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!!) account.

The Party (in case you can't be arsed to read it all, the best bits are in bold).

It was at the Farmhouse function room, where we had the Christmas party. It has a lot of sofas which Chris, Paul and Lee spent time sleeping on (erm, not together) and Pete Tobin and three girls sat on and annoyed people (Pete looked like a right pimp with Emma on his lap and Hattie and myself sitting either side - this annoyed Alex). This basically carried on until dinner was served being as (a) Pete was hugging me tight and wouldn't let me go and (b) most of us were squashed to the end of the sofa by the largest member of the group.

When I DID manage to get up, I went around saying hi to people and getting compliments for my lovely outfit (which I got in Weymouth the day before - damn, I just remembered I went to Weymouth, I shall explain that in a slightly later entry). It consisted of a class red top with lots of chains on it and a very, VERY short black skirt (Jan : "Is that a skirt or a belt?"). I also hugged the birthday boys. Well, I tried to - I couldn't get my arms all the way around Alun, Chris wouldn't get up and I didn't hug Peter because he'd threaten to beat me up if I did. Stereotypes always prevail. :)

Next up - dinner, which for me consisted of some fruit to start and scampi and chips as my main meal. I was sitting between Chris and Peter Wiggles - erm, Wiggins. Chris was covering Kelly, who was the other side of him, in the sticky sequins which were all over the table, and Pete kept telling me dirty stuff that I did not want to hear. Lee was sitting opposite me looking just that little bit depressed. Poor Lee - I wish he would tell me why so that I could help him out. :( Apart from that and the fact that Chris ate none of his dinner, it was alright, but it was easily the worst bit. Hattie was flirting with Terry, which cheered Lee up just that little bit, but he's still, as he always says, "had better days".

Then came the presentations. Andy Chiffers gave out presents to all the third-years, then gave each one a cute lickle speech about how lovely they are (and they are lovely, most of all Petey who's a little sweetie and Timmy who's nice but dimmy - emotional days, people!). After that came Shaun's presentation - he gave chocolate bars (with biscuit in them, damn I wish I was worthy of his award!) to all the third-years and Lee who was the football player of the season. The latter made Hattie bitch, bitch, bitch about how Shaun was being sexist, which he wasn't. It's just that she was expecting to be player of the season. Hattie being the player of the season is about as likely as she is thin. Anyway, Shaun also gave flowers to his keyworkers, Jackie and Jenny, and followed his performance with two songs - one of his own called "Something More" and "Weather With You" by Crowded House. He was quality. As quality as Quality Street, and that's quality - why am I talking like Lee!? :\

Then there was the DJ set, featuring Ben and a guy known only as "This Guy". "This Guy" was probably in control as Ben had promised good music. Oh well, we got Love Shack, and if that wasn't funny I don't know what is. We had the Chunkendales (Alun, Wig, Shaun, Paul, Tim and NOT Alex - the one time he was allowed to go topless he didn't!) taking their tops off and swinging them around. OK, so none of them are sexy, but it was hilarious. Ben and I sang it as well - my first performance of the night, but my second was much better.

Speaking of which, my show went really well. It was also as quality as, if not more quality than, Quality Street. I started off by thanking our five Chunkendales, and then DJ Ben and DJ "This Guy". And next, on with the music! Well, not music, being as there was none, but I started singing. I started with "one for the old regurgitated SigmaEnigma fans out there - I wouldn't be so quick to identify myself with regurgitation" known as "What Do You Want?", shouting, screaming and everything. And I pulled it off! :) Next up, "Storm In A Teacup" to be followed by my best unofficial performance yet - "We're Going To Miss You" by James. It may be a really bad pun, but I actually gave the thirdies mirrors with their names on, also saying "We're going to miss you when you're gone". It was so sweet! I even got "aww!"s when I hugged my lubbly Petey and my lubbly Timmy. Lesley-night-staff said it brought a tear to her eye to see something so caring. I finished off with "I'd love to invite you all back for milk and cookies" and then left the stage for The Hat to perform. She was crap.

After Hattie performed, Ben and "This Guy" put a few more crap songs on. I went outside to have a go on the three-person swing, which was filled by Sam, Lee and Tobin (although it was funniest when Alun was on there earlier, meditating with the mantra "fuck off bastard", with one hand in the OK thing that people use to meditate and the other with a finger up). Then Chloe sat on Sam (they are SO doing it), Chris sat on Lee (they are SO, erm, not doing it) and I sat on Pete (I am SO taken and Pete has NO balls, ergo we are SO not doing it). I liked sitting on there, it is SO nice, even though we didn't swing much because, as Lee SO truthfully pointed out, the swing would SO collapse if we stayed on it much longer.

Oh yes, I forgot the cake - how could I do such a thing!? There were three - one for each of the birthday boys. I nicked some of Chris's cuz it looked the nicest. Meh.

And I also forgot to say that Ben liked my singing so much that, if I could be arsed to go down to Canterbury, he would get me a recording studio. I probably won't take him up on it, but way for the offer. :D

And that was the end of a fantastic night. You're bored now. WAKE UP!

Usual random end-of-entry comment - this morning, for no apparent reason, Terry chased Alex down the hallway, slapping Alex's arse as he went. Wig was on the floor laughing. Alex then said, "Hattie, I fancy you". Wig laughed more, as did I. :D

I have college interviews today (Bath) and tomorrow (Strode). Way. :)

m.a. x

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