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the first step to recovery

In half an hour, I'll be meeting with local ED specialist Liz Lockett, at my house. I'm not sure what's going to go on, but when I met her at the doctor's, I thought she was class, as was her assistant Deb Tarry (who I'll be seeing sometime in August). I've finally found a doctor who knows what she's talking about (unlike Dr. Kully who was shit), who is probably someone I can talk to properly and be understood rather than have someone sitting there like a lemon asking how many times a day I cut myself, despite the fact that I've said about 47 bajillion times that I don't.

However, I'm still a little anxious about the appointment. I bet that most of the people she treats are actually real anorexics/bulimics rather than people like me who look like they've just wandered out of an empty biscuit factory which was full before I entered. I checked my appearance - I can feel my ribs from both front and back, my collarbones, a bit of my spine and my slightly protruding hipbones, but my gigantimous tits, wobbly arse and thunder thighs are not good. On top of all that, I stepped on the scale and I saw my most hated number - 8. I'm 8st0, 112lbs. That's disgusting, grossly overweight, especially for a shortarse like me.

Now I feel even worse. Ugh.

m.a. x

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
mistahnice
Jul. 15th, 2003 08:28 pm (UTC)
Stop beating yourself up, really. It's depressing for me, too. I used to care about my weight, then I discovered that nomatter how thin you are, how fat you are or how good you look, someone's always going to look better, and you're never going to be able to be as good as them, let alone fit into the image that you create for yourself.

Please. I know addictions and disorders, and I know they bite ass (bipolar + borderline + cutting = bad), but I imagine Pooka doesn't give two shits what you weigh, and neither do any other of your friends, and I *really* don't.

Wuv you.
bikz
Jul. 15th, 2003 08:41 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
Thanks a lot for caring, and I'm kinda trying to recover (albeit not doing too well), but it'll take ages to get out it. I'll try ....

m.a. x
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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