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Insane Becke from Planet Anal Penis

I like that name. I'm gonna make it my MSN name. I want to live on Planet Anal Penis, if it exists somewhere out there. I dunno if it's any good, but at least it's not Planet Enfield.

In fact, ANY planet far away from here would be good. Yes, even Enfield. In fact, that would be good because my boyfriend lives there, even though it's a mad place. I feel like I could go there right now, and if I couldn't see Pooka, I'd look for Mr. Groinlion. I'm missing my mates like hell. Yes, even Alex, and The Very Large Hat. I miss Hattie most of all, actually - I feel like she's the only person in the world fatter than me. Her and Tom Franco. I barely know him, but I miss him too.

In fact, scrap that - I'm probably fatter than both of them. I don't care if Hattie's about 200lbs and Tom's about 450 - I'm 114 and gigantic.

To curb my depression, I'm listening to the wonderful Sleeper (Alice In Vain is my current favourite song - I wish I had all the Sleeper albums, or at least the full version of Alice) and reading "Girls Under Pressure". It may be Jacqueline Wilson, written for 13-year-olds, stolen from Jenn's cupboard and bloody triggering, but it's a great book. I'll probably just sit here and read the whole thing.

Oh yeh, and I'm getting e-mails from a bunch of eating-disordered people who want to talk to someone - I don't mind that, they seem like perfectly nice people, but I only have one true ED online friend and his name is (or, rather, was) James Deryck Carpenter. I've made a lot of friends off TF and stuff, but lil' Deryck was my only ED online friend who understood me, even though he was a bloke. I have Pooka who understands me and Kate who does a bit - they are great mates (and Pooka's a wonderful lover), but neither one is Deryck.

I'm crying now. :'( I feel like the only thing that will make me happy is if I don't eat all day. I wish I had Pooka here. If he's not here to make me feel better, all I have is my ED.

m.a. x

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