depressedIn fact, ANY planet far away from here would be good. Yes, even Enfield. In fact, that would be good because my boyfriend lives there, even though it's a mad place. I feel like I could go there right now, and if I couldn't see Pooka, I'd look for Mr. Groinlion. I'm missing my mates like hell. Yes, even Alex, and The Very Large Hat. I miss Hattie most of all, actually - I feel like she's the only person in the world fatter than me. Her and Tom Franco. I barely know him, but I miss him too.
In fact, scrap that - I'm probably fatter than both of them. I don't care if Hattie's about 200lbs and Tom's about 450 - I'm 114 and gigantic.
To curb my depression, I'm listening to the wonderful Sleeper (Alice In Vain is my current favourite song - I wish I had all the Sleeper albums, or at least the full version of Alice) and reading "Girls Under Pressure". It may be Jacqueline Wilson, written for 13-year-olds, stolen from Jenn's cupboard and bloody triggering, but it's a great book. I'll probably just sit here and read the whole thing.
Oh yeh, and I'm getting e-mails from a bunch of eating-disordered people who want to talk to someone - I don't mind that, they seem like perfectly nice people, but I only have one true ED online friend and his name is (or, rather, was) James Deryck Carpenter. I've made a lot of friends off TF and stuff, but lil' Deryck was my only ED online friend who understood me, even though he was a bloke. I have Pooka who understands me and Kate who does a bit - they are great mates (and Pooka's a wonderful lover), but neither one is Deryck.
I'm crying now. :'( I feel like the only thing that will make me happy is if I don't eat all day. I wish I had Pooka here. If he's not here to make me feel better, all I have is my ED.
m.a. x
