bikz (bikz) wrote,

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a midnight fade

Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No-one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

~ Metallica - Fade To Black

I put that there because the song reminds me of how Pooka's feeling. Nothing to do with me, really, apart from that I've been listening to it too much and I can't get the song out of my head - meh.

Back to Farleigh tomorrow. Today. I've missed the place so much - and yet, I don't know if I want to go back.

Well, of course, I am going back, and I should be looking forward to it. But I want to stay home. I want to spend time with Pooka, and time by myself. I don't want to go back there and be swamped with people, have to share a room with a girl who likes to go to bed early, have to be supported by someone who seriously annoys me, and, on top of it all, that I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing when I get back. It's so dim. For God's sake, Aspie people in particular like to know what's going on - can't they accept that, you know, being an AS college?

I feel depressed all of a sudden. And in pain - not only do I have the heaviest fuck off period ever (my pill was messed up, it gave me a phantom pregnancy and now I pay the price in blood), but my mouth must be smashed or something because it hurts like hell when I move my tongue. I hate my life sometimes.

- k. s. x


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