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smoking, sex and Man City, etc.

I smell like fags, and not of the Chris Pardoe variety - hope my mum doesn't notice (or go looking through my bag and find the 9 remaining Mayfairs and cheap 50p lighter I just bought). Why oh why did I have to go out for cigarettes with Robin so many times? Why did I breathe the smoke? Why did I kiss him? Either way, I know I'm addicted now, and there's fuck all I can do about it. Oh well, at least it'll keep my weight down. And I do actually like smoking, even though it's bad for me.

Also pissed off, for the first time ever, that we don't have digital TV. I'm gonna miss the Man Utd v Man City match, miss my team thrashing Robin's team - ha, I wish. After Newcrapple thrashed us because I wasn't watching (or maybe it's because Man City are crap, but we're not as crap as them - right?), we've got to win it.

God, Becke used to hate smoking and football. And Robin, for that matter. I wouldn't be surprised if Pooka hates my guts now. He likes "Becki", the girl who liked Harry Potter and Pokémon, the girl who was unhappy with her appearance but happy with her boyfriend, the girl who wanted to get married and be with him forever, rather than wanting to live with a bunch of old Farleigh mates. Even I can see I've changed. Do I like the changes? I don't know. Pooka's coming over later to drop off Christmas presents. Do I want to see him? Does he want to see me? Is it a good idea to answer the door, or should my mum do that? More things I don't know.

I don't know much, do I?

- k.s. x


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 13th, 2003 04:09 am (UTC)
join the club on smoking :( i've started rolling normal cigarettes again since i quit my degree and i'm very annoyed with myself. for the record, roll-ups are better than pre-bought cigarettes because they have less chemicals. it doesn't make me feel any better.

still, it gives you a good new year's resolution to make if you want to stop (and if you don't smoke too much, now is a good time before you get any worse).

people change, it happens, especially when you're a teenager. it was probably the right thing that you and pooka split up, you were both changing and getting to new phases in your life. you want to stay friends with him, right? then answer the door, accept the presents and talk to him about music and life and how he is. it might be awkward but it's do-able to stay friends with an ex. i make a point of trying. don't just ignore him because it's easier as you will regret it in the long-run if you don't at least try and stay friends.

meh. your life, you can do what you want.
Dec. 13th, 2003 02:44 pm (UTC)
Don't think like that. I don't hate you, and I don't want to hate you. I could never hate you. To hate you would be me backwards. I like you.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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