bikz (bikz) wrote,

  • Mood:

how "bloody" embarrassing

This is a story about a girl called Becke who decided to go to Walsall. She needed to get some passport photos done and she needed to buy a Christmas present for her boyfriend. But the trip was not as simple as that.

Becke decided to wear her lovely light pink trousers, as they are, well, lovely. But they are not quite so lovely when one unexpectedly gets one's period on the bus - in fact, not many things are lovely then. So Becke had to walk to Safeway with her legs clamped together, buy some pads and change. However, by then, the blood had soaked right through her trousers and she was getting very funny looks, so she walked into the nearest ladies' clothes shop and said, "Look, I want the cheapest pair of size 12 trousers you've got, doesn't matter what they look like, I want them". Trousers cost £7. On the way to the department store bogs to change into them, Becke saw another clothes shop with a big sign saying "Everything £5 and under". Oh shit.

Onward to the photo booth, and Becke had never seen such mongy photos in her life. She never knew that her face looked like a pizza or that she fell asleep (well, her eyes were pretty damn closed on the pictures). As this photo has got to be on her passport for 10 years, Becke was tempted to take a new one (and moon in the booth - they could identify her that way, it'd look way better than her face did on these), but she needed money for all-important items such as presents, fags and bus fares.

In the place where Becke was buying Robin, her boyfriend, a Christmas present, the bastards did not accept her card. She almost didn't buy it, but then thought, "What is more important, fags or Robin?" - very hard choice to make, but eventually, being such a loving girlfriend, she bought the present out of her fag money. And finally, by pretending to be a kid on the bus (the driver was too dim to realise that anyone under 15 should be in school now), she scraped together enough money for the fags - and now Becke is completely broke.

Then Becke talked to her fat friend Hattie on the phone. Hattie had phoned Becke to be a good friend and, ahem, help "grieve" over Becke's recent break-up. Hattie, however, did not realise that Becke was the dumper, and realised even less that she was going out with Robin Harlow (which she misheard for "Ben Harwood" - ugh!). Hattie also talked about how much she loved and missed her sex toy Alex Groinlion. Aww, bless.

What a fun story that was, eh kids?

- k.s. x


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