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emotional fuckwittage

Decided that it's WAY too reboundy and deranged (probably the most deranged thing I've ever done) to be going out with Ben. I'll think about things this weekend and probably, though it depends what I think about, break it off with him when I get back to Farleigh. I feel like a kiddy fiddler - Robin was apparently too young for me, let alone Ben who has a mental age of about 2.

I also hate the way he's been mean to Robin, in an "I'm going out with Becke you're not mwahahalol" sort of way. He doesn't care, but I still don't think it's nice, as Robin is most likely feeling very mixed up at the moment and the last thing I want to do is to hurt him, or see anyone else hurt him, in any way. You know why? Because I think I still love Robin. In fact, fuck think, I know I do. If I didn't love him, why am I so upset? Why am I still wearing his necklace and carrying his picture in my purse? Why did I cut myself when I knew he wasn't interested in me? Why am I such an emotional fuckwit?

I really, really hate my life at the moment.

- k.s. x


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2004 09:01 am (UTC)
Yes, Robin does care that Ben's saying that stuff to him. He may not act like it, he may say he doesn't care, but he does. Nobody can hear that kind of stuff without caring. It's just so harsh and grating, 'specially when it's real.
After all, how do you think I felt when you were in your "let's rub it in" stage pre-Christmas? Exactly.

Let's hope you figure out how to sort this stuff out, 'cause I'm clueless, and I doubt you'd want my help anyway.

Good luck.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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